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July 16, 2005

EXTRY, EXTRY: July 19th Show Cancelled, AWOKers Frown About It

Hey, we’re just trying to announce this every possible place we can, so we’ll put an entry here too:
We will not be performing on July 19th, due to circumstances beyond our control. Things are still a go for the other three shows that we’ve got in the pipeline. We’d love to see you at the PIT on the 30th.

Posted by Nate Kushner at 11:54 AM | Comments (0)

July 13, 2005

Review of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Okay, so time-travel is something very important to A Week of Kindness. Sometimes, I send myself into the future to discover what’s in store for Cap’n Mike. The problem is that the whole time-travel process makes me retarded while I’m in an alternate time.

Again, I apologize for the effects of time-travel on the level of sophistication of the review. What I can say is that it is a 100% accurate representation of what happens in the new book.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-A Review from the Future:

Harry Potter is Harry HOT-ter in Book 6 of the popular wizardry series. Not content to let her characters relax even for a moment, J.K. Rowling delivers a story with more action, adventure, volcanoes, magic wands, explosions, hot asses, racecars, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, kickball games, tanks, celebratory foil balloons, tunneling mole rats, ancient burial mounds, forks and spoons, sand dunes, dueling chefs, magic, Les Miserables references, Scientology, ass tattoos, rabbits with two ears, drawings of Italian countrysides, accurate predictions of the Nintendo Revolution controller, toes, toe nails, nails, fingers, Karl Rove-style C.I.A. operative leaks, books on gardening, gardening itself, philosophizing about gardening, gardens, soups, herbs, heroin, indentured servitude, college applications, individual retirement accounts, asses with faces painted on them, church services with the family, Aspercream, meaningful folk ballads, smoked barbeque ribs, small cats, and games of Quidditch than any other Harry Potter novel that has come before it!

By the time the end rolls around, and Dumbledore is dead and Harry and Ron are gay together, you don’t even care because you have just read the best book ever. And (SPOILER ALERT) Ravenclaw finally wins the house points competition.

I cannot stress enough that this is a wonderful book! As Rowling’s audience has aged, so have her characters. Her narrative is so much more mature—by the time that Harry and Ron are gay together (Hermione is gay too, but she still has sex with Hagrid—FINALLY!), you know that this book is destined for the history books (or history shelves, the place where we probably keep the history books!)

This book makes me so happy, there is a good chance I may travel to a small Mediterranean country and start an olive farm (Not to give anything away, but the reason that this book gives me this urge is that something big happens at an olive farm and it includes two MAJOR characters being gay together.)

In summary:

-Dumbledore dies.
-Harry and Ron are gay together at an olive farm.
-Ravenclaw wins the house competition (after Neville Longbottom loses a point for Gryffindor for farting too loud in potions class—Neville!!!!)

Reporting from the future-Mike

Posted by Mike Still at 04:17 AM | Comments (15)

July 12, 2005

Bahá’ís Have a Sense Of Humor; AWOK Running Scared

Well, the New York sketch comedy scene is finished, if any Bahá’ís ever decide to get into the sketch comedy game.

There’s just no way we city boys can compete with this stuff. I’m terribly, terribly depressed.

Posted by Nate Kushner at 06:11 PM | Comments (10)

July 06, 2005

My meeting (and hypothetical meeting) with President(s) Bush

I was digging through old home videos, and I stumbled upon this “gem.” Of course, “gem” is in quotation marks because it’s not literally a precious stone. It is, however, literally a video gem. At a rally in Delaware in 1988, I was picked up by former President George H. W. Bush (he was vice president at the time). You may remember him as the father of our current president. (Note to readers who have time traveled from the past- yes, by the earliest part of the 21st century, we finally live in a time where the son of a former president can become president. So don’t get discouraged, never give up, and if your dad is president, maybe you can be too!!!) Anyway, take a look:

So, yeah, I “stumbled” upon this video. Stumbled is in quotation marks as well, because I will never forget this video and somehow magically come upon it. It was a defining moment in my young life. I could no more stumble upon this video than a diabetic could stumble upon her insulin.

I eventually met President Bush again, at the swearing in of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas (with whom I would later disagree on every single ruling he would make (except, of course, that pot ruling—Justice Thomas!)).

Seeing this old video got me thinking… what would it look like if I was picked up by current President George W. Bush (notice, it’s the same name as President George H. W. Bush, but without the H.) So I used my superior photoshopping skills to look into the universe known to scientists as “Quantum Reality where Mike Still is picked up by President George W. Bush. Also, in this reality McDonald’s only sells hotdogs.” Scientists are sure this reality exists, somewhere. Take a look:

Naturally, in this alternate reality photo, I am wearing my Nick Bottom “pyramus” costume for when I was touring with A Midsummer Night’s Dream , because as everyone knows, President Bush loves Shakespeare. Except in this alternate reality there’s a good chance that Shakespeare was a pornographer.

Posted by Mike Still at 12:36 AM | Comments (6)

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