August 11, 2005

For those on a low Carbon-14 diet…

Click that picture. It’s all anybody needs to say about the whole Intelligent Design fiasco in Kansas.

Hopper, don’t click this. There’s a lot of talk about “noodly appendages”, and I know that’s a sensitive topic for you.

Posted by Nate Kushner at 11:29 PM | Comments (3)

July 12, 2005

Bahá’ís Have a Sense Of Humor; AWOK Running Scared

Well, the New York sketch comedy scene is finished, if any Bahá’ís ever decide to get into the sketch comedy game.

There’s just no way we city boys can compete with this stuff. I’m terribly, terribly depressed.

Posted by Nate Kushner at 06:11 PM | Comments (10)

April 05, 2005

Eight Visions for Papal Eternity

Listen, I don’t know any more about the afterlife than this guy (I’m currently pointing at some guy wearing a pretty lame vest). But with the high-profile passing of the Holy Father (the Pope), we are in a unique position to come together in discussion of what that life beyond life holds for all of us.

So it is with the utmost respect that I reach deep into the traditions of human religion and present Eight Visions of Papal Eternity. Are any of these the TRUTH? I’ll let you (I’m currently pointing to a guy in a very impressive yellow bandana) decide.

Vision 1:

Frank Purdue: Your holiness, I always admired your work.
Pope John Paul II: I always admired you, Frank.
Frank Purdue: You know, they called me the Pope of Frozen Chickens.
Pope John Paul II: Funny, because some people called me the Frank Purdue of Catholicism.
Frank Purdue: Really?
Pope John Paul II: No, just kidding.
(Both laugh)
Satan: Hey you two, get back to work!

Vision 2:

Sandy: Hi, I’m Sandy.
Annette: Hello, my name is Annette.
Clara: I’m Clara.
Jeanne: I’m Jeanne.
Sara: My name is Sara.
Babette: And I’m Babette.
Jessica: Hey, I’m Jessica.
Pope John Paul II: And all seven of you are virgins?
Ladies: Yes.
Pope John Paul II: Then it looks like there are eight virgins here!
Ladies: (sigh)

Vision 3:

Pope John Paul II: I’m flying! I’m a beautiful eagle!
Sierra Club Bird Watcher: Hey, doesn’t that eagle look like the Pope?
Other Sierra Club Bird Watcher: No.

Vision 4:

George: John, Ringo is here!
John: Ringo!
George: Ringo, my boy, we missed you so!
John: Let’s hear Yellow Submarine, Ringo! For old times!
Pope John Paul II: I’m not Ringo, I’m the Pope.
George: …
John: …
Pope John Paul II: …
George: Oh Ringo!
John: Ringo, my boy!

Vision 5:

Estelle: So this is it? Where are the instruments of torture...the racks and red-hot pincers and all the other paraphernalia?
Inez: Oh, I understand… each one of us will act as a torturer of the two others.
Pope John Paul II: It seems hell is other people!
(Thunderous applause, all three bow.)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for enjoying the Shadyside Dinner Theatre. Please take a moment to explore the cheese and Hex Quilt shop in the lobby.

Vision 6:

Very gay God: You have much to answer for! Your last proclamation before dying was that it is an abomination among men to be a homosexual!
Pope John Paul II: Did I say that? No. No! What I said was, uhh, ‘the abominable snow man is a homosexual.’
Very gay God: Ooo! Really?!?

Vision 7:

St. Peter: Name please.
Pope John Paul II: The Pope.
St. Peter: “The” Pope? Ha! Sorry man, now you’re not “The” Pope, now you’re just “a” Pope. We got over two-hundred thirty of you guys running around.

Vision 8:

L. Ron Hubbard: John Paul, Xenu. Xenu, John Paul.


Now it’s your turn! Post your Visions of Papal Eternity below!

Posted by Mike Still at 04:11 AM | Comments (38) | TrackBack